Do you know the type of house you want? How about your dream job? Do you know how many kids you want to have or how many books you want to read? How about the type of person you want to be? If the answer to those questions is yes, consider just how lucky you are! I wish I knew that too.
You know, some say life is worthless without a goal, and the sole purpose of it is to achieve and enjoy that goal. Some say life's worth resides in living it, considering goals nothing more than obstacles in the path of genuine happiness. I like to believe that life has a purpose, but I'm still struggling to define it, or make up my mind for that matter.
Having a goal is easy (I think), because at least you know the path in which you are heading. Not having a goal leaves you wandering in the vast field of never-ending possibilities - which are equally attractive and yet I've learned that "You can do anything, but not everything" - David Allen. The challenge I am faced with constantly, is knowing what I want, like what I truly want. I know it seems dumb when you get to read this, "What the f*** Rachel? How can you not now what you want?” Well the answer for me is very simple, everything around me is fucking fascinating to me, I'm like a two-year-old still learning about stuff. The list of things I'm not interested in is so small it probably couldn't even fill a A4 piece of paper.
All too often have I found myself enthusiastic about something, giving my 100% to it, even if I knew I was bad at it and it takes time and patience to grow, only to lose interest midway and find something else that I was more passionate about. The interesting part is that I don't even give up on the past interest, I just hoard tiny bits of knowledge about everything. I know just enough to spark a conversation but Lord forbids you get into specifics with me. That's where we draw the line.
And every time I see someone talk about how they always knew they were going to be an actress/entrepreneur/insert lifelong dream here, or when I hear someone talk about the way they grew with their hobby, and developed throughout the years, it makes me cry on the inside. I notice these people always have a certain spark in their eyes when they speak about their passion, some even get goosebumps... I just wish I had that too.
I did try many things, including hobbies, hoping that at some point something was going to stick to my heart forever and I would develop in the field...but then if that happened, I probably wouldn't have ended up writing this long post, now would I?
Do not think for a second that I'm ashamed about the fact that I googled "How to know what you want" or "How to listen to your heart", yet for some reason, both my brain and heart decide to remain silent whenever I ask questions.
So I turn to you, asking, how did you figure out what you wanted in life? Are you happier because you know what you want? How do you feel knowing that so many possibilities have vanished when you made this decision? Should we really want something in life?
Yes, I know some of you might argue that the answer to my question can only be found within me - that's what I'm going for, but I cannot seem to get an answer so maybe outside inspiration can come in hand, or maybe someone else shares my "problem" and we could help each other.
Wishing you the best,
Rachel
