Ten secrets to happy relationships

Relationships - they've been around as long as we have. Given that, you'd think we figured it out by now. While having happy relationships seems easy to some people, others struggle with it for years. Below are ten secrets to happy, healthy relationships:  

1. Communication

The number one thing in any relationship that you want to work should be communication. Way too many times people hold back their opinions and thoughts. Even though sometimes they do it out of love and because they are afraid they'll hurt those they love, it's still a bad habit. 
On the other hand, I can't argue, some people cannot accept your opinion and it only makes them angry to have you talk about what you think/feel. But then if that's the case, why would you want a relationship with someone that cannot understand you? 

2. Trust

I think this one is pretty obvious. You cannot play a doubting detective role and enjoy the relationship at the same time. Where there's doubt, there's anxiety, frustration and at times even a little bit of paranoia :). You cannot possibly enjoy your time with a person when you're always on the lookout for things that might give them away.
I know people may hurt you and I also know that it hurts like crap because I've been through it as well, but then again, it's not fair to discard the potential in the new people you meet just because of some past morons. After all, we are not all the same so why lose the chance of meeting a great person? Just because you were hurt in the past? Well look at you and the way you overcame it, becoming stronger in the process.

3. Selflessness 

Selfishness can be a good thing, but in a relationship, both sides have to give that up at times if they want it to work. You share the good and the bad times together so it's only fair to share other things as well.  

4. Empathy
You cannot be an ice cold person and expect to have healthy, happy relationships - unless your partner is into that sort of relationships as well. Even at times when your angry and you feel like your partner has wronged you, try to listen to his side of the story, and see if he/she is okay. Chances are, they're feeling worse than you do because they hurt you and they hate that. Besides having to deal with your anger and the nagging voice in their head that tells them how badly they screwed up, they also want to find a way to make things better, and guess what? It's hard to come up with good ideas under such pressure.  
There's a Swedish saying that goes on like this: "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need it the most."   

5. Truth
It's for the best. All lies do eventually come out so why complicate stuff? 

6. Desire to make it work 
Instead of expecting it to miraculously work by itself.They say love is made and not found, and I agree. I'm not saying choose who you fall in love with 'cause that's impossible, I'm saying that after you found your soul mate don't expect absolutely everything to be shinny and great, and for the love of god, don't try to change them! Sometimes you have to make stuff work. You might have to compromise at times and put up with some of their annoying habits but remember they are doing the same for you.  

7. Understanding
Instead of immediately assuming stuff try to ask and listen. And remember to keep an open mind. 

8. Celebrating both the ups and downs
We all love to celebrate - that's for sure, but no one likes to go through rough times, and it takes a lot of strength, love and will power to stick together through those times. That's why you should at times celebrate the way you managed to overcome them! You earned it! 

9. Spending time together
Whether you are watching a movie, playing a game, doing the dishes, cleaning the house or any other activity, make the most of the time you spend together, and live in that moment. Yes that means you should stop checking your phone or your emails when you're spending time with your partner. However, don't overdo it and remember to spend some alone time as well!

10. Ignore the he said she said
Really, some people spread false rumors as if their life depends on it. Chances are that what they're saying isn't true plus they are so good at seeing bad stuff even when it's not there ! 
Here's a picture I once found on the Internet and I think it's a great depiction of the way some people judge no matter what:

Wishing you the best,
Rachel

Wise schedulling for less headaches

Even though we live in the hi tech era and speed limits go up every passing minute, when it comes to tasks, it seems as if there's never enough time to finish everything you have to do. Throughout the past chaotic periods of my life I've learned a couple of things about organizing your time that turned out to be helpful. Hoping my knowledge can be useful to you, I'll share my advices with you.  

1. Don't stress

No matter how overwhelmed you feel or how many things you have to do, breathe deeply in and relax. Acknowledge the fact that you won't be able to solve the problems if you stress out. In fact, it'll make it harder for you to finish your tasks, so as I said before, relax. As hard as it may seem to you.

2. Write it down 

Maybe to do lists seem like stupid ideas for most of us, but I found them to be incredibly helpful. Writing down everything that you have to do will make it impossible to leave anything out (that unless you forget to write it down in the first place of course). Aw and don't forget to clearly establish the goals ;). 

3. Prioritize

See what's important and what can be delayed. For instance, a doctor's appointment (in case you're feeling bad) cannot be delayed while a manicure or pedicure can be delayed. I know the example i gave you is extremely easy and it seems as if you wouldn't have to prioritize for this case (and i agree with you on that one) but when the tasks gather up, and they mixed up with some stress from your everyday life... it builds up and believe it or not, you won't be able to think clearly anymore. So when the tasks gather up, keep and eye out for the truly important ones and deal with the rest of them later on (even if you think they are small things you have to do and they won't take long. Just trust me on this one)

4. Break them down

I believe every big goal/task can be divided into small parts that are easier to organize, keep track of and finish. Plus, you'll feel so much better when you cross off things from your to do list. I'll be a great source of motivation to keep you going. 

5. Eye on the deadline

The earlier the deadline the earlier you have to deal with them (duh). So don't waste your time with a task that's really important but the deadline is far in the future. Deal with the minor, and major things that need to be done asap. Those small things you have to do in the future might not take as little as you think right now, so why wasting time with those when you can focus on getting rid of a more important task.

6. Take in the downsides

Just as important as taking in the good aspects of a plan, taking in the downsides of it is just as important. I'm not saying get pessimist, just consider what might go wrong so in case that happens you'll be prepared for it. It is true that many plans fail because we fail to focus on the pro's of it, but it's just as true that they sometimes go to pieces because we fail(or simply don't want to consider) the downsides of them. It is of vital importance to think about what might go wrong and how to fix it in case it happens so nothing(or very little) will take you by surprise. 

7. Talk about it

If there are other people involved in your plans as well. Talk to them and tell them your plans regarding them. Synchronize your plans regarding them. I also sometimes find it easier to "talk to myself" about what and how I'm going to do. I don't mean literally talk out loud with myself. I mean have a conversation inside my brain on how and when I should deal with things.

8. Schedule wisely

Last but not least important, organize/schedule wisely. For e.g. Let's say you have to go to a doctor, buy some groceries, get a new flat TV and go to a bank for a loan. Prioritize your tasks. You must go to a doctor and for some odd reason get the flat TV. The bank is pretty close to the doctor so you can first go see your doctor, then since you're in the neighborhood anyway, go to the bank for the loan and then get the flat TV. Lastly, on your way back home you stop to get the groceries. Wasn't that easy? Now try to think of how this would've gone if you didn't organize wisely. You could've ended up wasting time driving from one side of the town to the other because you would've failed to think clearly in the heat of the moment.

Wishing you the best,
Rachel

Ten things you should get rid of

From dust covered magazines to broken pieces of electronic devices, I'm sure we all share our precious room with unnecessary things that make it hard for us to clean, organize and find room for the things that actually work, or are useful. I myself, after a long lecture I gave myself inside my head, decided I should grow up and get rid of the things I don't use anymore... and buy me some sweet treats to celebrate afterwards. 

In case you also want to take this small step for you, but huge leap for your room, here are the best advices I can give you. Throw away:

1. Those old pens that don't work anymore

Yes, they may be cute, and they may be great memories reminders, no one says you can't keep anything that's not working (though that's not a bad idea at all) but need I remind you they aren't working and occupying space on your desk or in the drawers. You can keep some of them for memories but not too many, and if they are only memories related, keep only the ones that stirr good memories. Speaking of memories

2. The suffocating memories

Keep some memories, especially those that remind you of the good old times and other things you know you might want to remember for the rest of your life, but throw away the ones that don't bring a smile on your face when you see them. 

3. Some of your old toys

I have absolutely nothing against a couple of old toys, especially those favorite toys you had as a kid, but don't keep everything. I've been in rooms that had more plush toys than shops. I mean come on! That's straight OCD! No one says you shouldn't keep some toys just make sure there's still room to open the doors and windows. You can also do a very nice thing and donate those toys, either to the little neighbors you have or to those more unfortunate than you - you know the type of kids that rarely get toys. This way you'll feel double good - you'll have more space in the room and you'll feel good knowing others are enjoying and playing with those toys that otherwise would've just laid around

4. Clothing and shoes you haven't worn in the last 18 months (I'll include bags in here as well)

Yeah, I know you were going to wear it so many times but... don't start to give me those excuses. I bet there are plenty of clothes you haven't wore in the past 18 months and most probably you never will do it again. Again, I encourage you keeping a couple (when I say a couple I mean a couple - two or three at most!) of your favorite ones but the rest has to go. Look on the bright side, you'll have an excuse to not feel bad when you'll get those jeans you had your eyes on for a while now. 

5. Power cords and various connective cables 

I'm talking about the ones that don't work, are not required anymore (eg. your old phone is long gone but you still keep the charger and the USB cable) or the duplicates. Whenever we buy a new gadget, it comes with its own cables, and at least one of them is a USB cord. So keep the cables, cords for the current gadgets you have and throw the rest. 

6. Magazines 

Yeah, I know there are pages that have useful things like recipes, beauty advices, great stories and so on, and I'm not saying don't keep those, I'm saying don't keep the whole magazine just for that - see where I'm going? Keep only the pages you need from the magazines, keep cut outs or even better, just scan the pages/info you need and keep it in a special folder on your computer/laptop/phone/tablet, whichever you prefer. 

7. Old makeup, perfumes and other beauty products

They do have an expiration date you know? Make up and other beauty products are already toxic enough as it is, you don't need them to get even worse. And about those perfumes you received as gifts and don't really like the scent, ask friends or family if they want them - just make sure you don't ask the person that gave you the gift that.

8. Everything that's expired: pills, vitamins, food and so on

Do I really need to talk to you about why you should not use them after they expire?. Just throw them

9. Broken things you didn't take the time to repair and probably never will 

Yeah, I know you were going to fix it but... insert your excuse here. If you didn't find the time to repair it in the past six months you'll probably never get to it, but just to make sure keep it for six more months. If however, those 6 more months passed and you still didn't fix it (either because you didn't have the time, mood, money bla bla or just you simply couldn't) just throw it. 

10. The grudges

As I stated in a previous post holding grudges, not forgiving doesn't help you at all. So let the past be the past and focus on this moment. What's done is done and you can't change that, but you can change what you do and how you feel right now.

Wishing you the best,
Rachel

7 tips to help you write blog posts (and not only) easier

First off, Hello again my dearest readers. I know it's been a while since the last post and I know it seems as if I am getting lazier. Believe it or not, it's exactly the other way around. I won't start whining now, I just want to let you know I'm not turning lazy and as soon as I'll get more time on my hands I'll write more. There are so many things I have to share. Anyway, moving on.

This post was initially called just "7 tips to help you write blog posts easier", but then as I was writing and writing I realized I use this tips not only for blog posts but for writing generally, hence I added the not only part. I didn't use to be a good writer, I was rather the talkative one. But throughout this wonderful experience, (it's been 9 months now since I started blogging) I've learned so many things about writing and I also observed an improvement in my writing style and writing speed. Here are the 7 rules that helped me blogging for some time now.    

- Be yourself

In my opinion this is the most important thing to consider while blogging. Being open and honest about your beliefs and your opinions not only makes you feel comfortable helping you to write easier, but it also sends out a positive message of confidence to your readers. There are slight chances of you making it if you don't do it out of pleasure.  It is also important not to worry about pleasing everybody. Some may love your style and some may completely dislike it but the most important thing is to feel good and enjoy what you do. Bill Crosby once said "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody". So let your true nature shine through. Honestly, I believe everybody is beautiful in their own way, everybody has an interesting opinion and beautiful things to share. So be you! Everybody else is taken :)

- Pick up something you like

At least in the beginning. Start writing about what you like, what you know, what you feel comfortable with and confident about. After a while you can try to challenge yourself and approach things you are not used to, you don't really know. I had a post or two on subjects I didn't know much about, but I did my research and it was an amazing experience. There were so many useful things I  wanted to know more about, but didn't find the time to before,  and I've learned them while researching for my posts. 

- Start with the main ideas

Just write the essentials, that way you won't forget the gist ideas. You can even start with writing two, three or more words that are related to what are going to talk about. Just make sure those words are appropriate and will remind you what you wanted to talk about.

- Fill it in

I found this step to be extremely hard sometimes yet other times it was just a piece of cake. I guess it depends on the subject and the mood. In this step you will fill in the blank spaces. You will add words and sense to those gist ideas. You'll give more detailed explanations, even examples if you feel the need to. Here's where your fingerprint comes in. Here's where those unique ways of expressing yourself can be seen. In this step, you'll only be preoccupied with writing. Don't worry about how it sounds, if it really makes sense, just get lost in the moment and do what you do the best - write.

- Edit

You might think it's the easiest part...haha, good joke. Honestly, I find editing the hardest. During the editing process you'll have to make sure your sentences make sense, you'll also have to make sure it's grammatically correct and if you get new ideas, new sentences to write, you'll have to make sure they go with the rest of the text. Heming Nessingway once said: "Write drunk. Edit sober." Make sure you'll be as sober as possible for the editing part. 

- Find a title

Finding an attractive, related to the subject in matter title is vital. Your content might be really good, yet if the title is completely boring there are thin chances it will be read. Also, don't be a prick! Don't just use names and words for your titles that are completely unrelated to the post itself. People will fall for it the first time but it'll raise anger and frustration, and in the long run they won't stick with your blog and you'll lose credibility.   

- An image is worth a thousand words

And that phrase couldn't be more right. Images stick in your head easier than words, that's why if you can, add some pictures to the blog post to make sure the readers will keep in mind your blog posts. 

I hope this will be useful and it'll help you write blog posts (and not only :) ) easier. Let me know if you found my tips useful and if you have some to share as well.

Wishing you the best,
Rachel

How I got rid of my awful neck pain

So the story goes on like this: I went to sleep a couple of weeks ago perfectly healthy...well... as healthy as an allergic person can get, and I woke up with a stiff neck that I couldn't turn to the left side because of the pain that was inflicted whenever I tried that move, and it felt as if there was something holding my neck from turning. The first thing I did, was of course to google it xD. They said it was most likely because of my wicked ways of sleeping, because I always find the most twisted ways to sleep. So I relaxed and took their advice: some said I should take some pills to ease the pain but since it didn't hurt permanently I decided not to use any pills (not a big fan of those) but I did massage the affected area. In a couple of days ( three to four) the pain did disappear, only that from time to time whenever I would turn my head into the left direction I would still feel as if something was slightly pulling my neck in the opposite direction... Since it was getting more and more bearable I didn't mind it - I just waited for the pain to go away completely.
And since it would've been just to good to end up like that and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to write this post, after about a week of no pain, all of a sudden, it got back, and it was even worse than before. This time, it wasn't even because of my sleeping ways, and that I know that for sure because it occurred while I was watching a movie on my couch. I wanted to get up and ...when I had to lift up my head it hurt so bad I had to take both of my hands to my neck to support it after getting up. And it didn't stop there. It hurt with every step I took and it felt as if my whole head was stiff even without walking or talking or anything. This time I was really creeped out so I tried what felt natural at the moment: I started massaging my neck, even thou at the moment it hurt really bad, but when I stopped it was better than before. Since it was kind of late I went to sleep, with no pillow under my head so my back was right. The next morning, it was better, but the pain was still there whenever I tried to move my head to the left side. Extremely frustrated at my body I researched much more than before and finally found a combination to help me ease the pain. Here's what I've tried and turned out to help me get rid of the pain:

- Claim your body
Do not let the pain take control over you. If you don't move your head because it hurts, be braver and endure some of the pain while trying to move it (well, of course, in case it's not unbearable).

- Stretching
Doing some exercises to help you stretch your neck muscle will turn out to be really helpful. These can be as easy as turning your head from one side to the other, head rotations and bending your neck forward until your chin touches your chest then slowly dropping your head back.

- Find the hot spot
Rotate your head from right to left or the other way around and stop right where it hurts the most. Keep the pose for 20 seconds (you're muscles will most likely be tensed, it's normal) and release afterwards. Repeat the exercise a couple of times per day or as long as you feel the need to.

- The spasm factor
If you have a spasm in your muscles, that'll cause them to tighten up like that. If that's the case, you should free up your neck muscles to get rid of the pain. Here's how you do it: Put your hands alongside your head so your thumbs are on the front of the muscle under your ear and your fingers are on the back of the muscle behind your neck. Squeeze your thumb and fingers together and hold. Relax your body. After about 30 to 45 seconds, when you don’t feel the muscles releasing any longer, slowly lower your head as far as you can, release the pressure but hold your neck lowered for another 30 seconds (as tried from Yahoo Answers - it worked pretty good.)

Now of course, these methods should not replace a doctor's opinion, so you can try them but if the pain doesn't go away you should definitely go see a doctor as soon as possible. I hope this will help in case you ever get neck pains, but above that - I hope you never get to experience those.

Wishing you the best,
Rachel

Tips to help you study like a pro

This post is meant to help all of you who find it hard to learn for final exams or test papers. The following suggestions helped me learn easier and I'm hoping you'll find them helpful as well.

1. Find your own pace
And don't get panicked when someone is telling you how easy they learn or how great they do it. Don't even insist on doing what they do if it doesn't feel good for you. For example, I learn easier during nightime ( and write better) but that doesn't mean you'll also learn easier during the nightime. It means you have to find your own pace...So read my list and try out my suggestions but if they don't help, let them go and try other means of learning until you find a combination that suits you.

2. Find a good learning spot
Oh, I can't stress this enough. A quiet, comfortable spot to learn is extemely important. You might think: "Aw, I can learn anywhere." and I won't disagree with you at all, but you'll learn easier if you find a comfortable, (you won't waste time twisting and turning to be comfortable) quiet ( no distractions from your focus) spot to learn.

3. Clear your mind
Before you go studying take care of all the things that bug you or might distrutpt your attention. If you can't take care of all of them and you are worried you might forget some of them, just write them down. That way you can focus on learning and you won't forget the things you have to take care of because they'll be on a piece of paper.

4. Get accustomed
Go through everything you have to learn before starting to learn. Get familiar with the concepts and the methods of that subject. It will be harder in the beginning to focus since you won't be accustomed to the words and the concepts of the subject but if you focus for a while and read it through it will be a great help.

5.  Read it out loud
Reading and repeating out loud helped me greatly. Sometimes it seems as if you have it all right inside your mind but when you open up your mouth to speak or to write down what you've learned... blank... nothing, nada comes to mind. At least it happened to me, I don't know about you. Everybody has a different way of learning so you might not find it necessary but you can use it anytime to check and see if you actually remember what you've learned.

6.  Gist ideas
Memorize the gist ideas and learn how to express yourself about the details of the lesson that aren't really that necessary. Don't waste time memorizing all sort of things that won't help you later on in life, learn the gist ideas and impovise (well, not neccesarily, unless it is a subject you can easily improvise.) If not, read those details several times and try to remember the idea of the whole section. Wrap it up!

7.  Split it up in sections
After you got the idea of what the subject in matter is all about split the lesson/material into sections and learn section after section.

8.  Write it down
Write down again what you are supposed to learn. It is a case of practice, and I find it pretty effective. Writing down what you are supposed to learn and paying attention to what you write is a sort of repetition.

9.  Debate 
I find it easier to learn if I talk about it. It doesn't have to be just a debate, you can also study with a friend or have conversations with people who know the things you are supposed to learn.

10. Look for connections
Between the lessons or material that you are learning right now and what you've learned in the past that might connect. If for example you can't remember some concepts or words try making a song out of them, or a funny poem or anything else that works for you. Let's say you want to remember the notes of the treble clef lines in music, keep in mind this: Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge which stands for E, G, B, D, F.

11. Think of real life examples
This is in my opinion, the best way to learn. Schools can give you a load of theoretical stuff to remember that you'll forget most likely after the exam/test paper. If it's pure theoretical, it's going to be really hard to remember it, but if it relates to certain events in real life - that makes the most of a difference.

12. Use colored markers
If you have a good visual memory and you are a visual learner. I use colored markers to decide the importance of notions. For the titles I use a color, for the gist ideas I use another colored marker and so on. And btw, I chose the importance of the marker's color based on the colors I like. So, for gist ideas I use green - because I really like the way it looks.

13. Study in periods of 20-50 mins and take breaks
Well, this depends once again on you. Maybe you can learn it all at once and you would lose your focus by taking breaks so often. But take breaks when you feel the need to. Go take a walk, take a shower, go buy yourself some healthy snacks to help you focus further....which brings us to my next suggestions ->

14. Healthy snacks
Snacks are not necessarily a bad thing as long as they are healthy. Get some fruits next to you, some peanuts and carrot sticks. They'll help you get energized and study better.

15. Reward yourself
Oh, this is my favorite part! You should always reward yourself for what you've acomplished. Therefore, if you spend several hours learning, reward yourself for it - you deserve it! This reward can be anything from a box of your favorite chocolate to a day of doing absolutly nothing or a whole day doing what you want/like.

Your turn. Any learning tips you could share? 

How to solve your problems easier

When it comes to problems everybody has a strategy of their own regarding how to overcome that problem. From doing what you never thought you would to running away from facing the problem, there is a vast palette of available choices to help you cope with your problems. This article will come in aid to the brave hearts that decide to face their problems and do everything in their power to deal with the problem once and for all.  

1. Define your problem

Before you start getting anxious about your problems define what's really bothering you, what really makes it a problem. In some cases, it is really easy to spot the problem but other times it might get tricky.

2. Accept the problem

Fighting with the problem you are facing is the worst thing you can always do. Don't focus all your energy to fight off something you can't stand. Use all of your energy and focus to find a way to make things better.

3. Try to see the bigger picture

Ever heard of the idiom "The devil is in the details"? Most of the times we worry too much about the details of the problem. Sometimes, you just need to back up a bit and try to see the bigger picture.

4. Focus on the solution, not the problem

Don't spend the majority of your time focusing on the problem... that is a big no no. Focus on the solutions, on the ways to make things better. I find the 80/20 rule quite effective when it comes to this. It says you should use 80 percent of your time finding solutions and only 20 percent to worry and complain about it.  

5. Take your mind off it

Usually, when we deal with a problem it'll haunt our mind 24/7. An important step while dealing with your problems is to take a break from the constant thinking about it. Take a walk, watch a movie, dance, meditate, go to a party, read a book, do anything that will help you get your mind off the problem. When you think about it constantly you get trapped in the pattern you are thinking about. If, however you take a break from constantly worrying, you're mind will relax and be able to think "outside the box".  

6. Write down each possibility

Instead of thinking about it over and over again and obsessing on the scenarios inside your mind, write down each possibility of getting out of your problem. Don't think about how you could do it like this but really don't want to, cause it'll trigger other reactions and so on when writing down the possibilities. Just write them down, even the ones you think are less likely to be chosen. You never know... maybe you'll find you're way out of it by mixing the available choices.

7. Seek the silver lining
Ever noticed how after dealing with a problem you become wiser? Problems do bring a load of pain and anxiety with them of course, but they'll also help you grow and develop. I've become who I am today because of all the problems I had to deal with. That's where my vast experience comes from, that's how I got resilient and those problems helped me see how much poetry means to me. So, keep in mind at all times "Every cloud has a silver lining to it." 

8. Attitude

Your attitude should be positive. No matter how big the problem is, you got to be stronger and have a positive outcome about the situation you are facing right now. I've noticed it's easier for me to find solutions to my problems and deal with them if I keep a positive outcome. Always keep in mind: The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.

Your turn. Was this helpful? 

How to overcome your fears

Fears have been passed down to us from our ancestors. During those times fearing potential danger such as huge animals ready to devour you was well reasoned but today, we fear so many things. Fear has a benefit on our body, it makes our body realize it is in danger and therefore focuses only on how to keep it alive. Which is great, if you really are in immediate danger. But lately we tend to overreact with this fearing. I mean we fear needles, ghost, darkness, evil powers, spiders, snakes, heights, cockroaches, water, enclosed spaces, tunnels, bridges, social rejection, failure, examinations and my all time favorite public speaking. These types of fear make your mind think it is endangered and therefore consume a lot of essential energy to help you make it through. That is wasted energy, your body needed it to work properly. 

Here are some tips to help you overcome your fears:

1. Get more information about it 

Most of the times we fear the unknown. We grew fond of certainties. I personally believe fears are just lack of knowledge. Your fear of darkness it's not really the fear of darkness, it's the lack of light that could reveal what's hidden in the darkness that scares you. Most likely, the images you make inside your mind of what could hide in the darkness scare you. If, for example you fear snakes try to get as much info on them as possible. Look for the types of snakes that are around your area and their behavior. Maybe the snakes you've seen around aren't even poisonous.  

2. Know that you are not alone 

There are a lot of people that have fears. Frankly, I think everybody fears something, so try asking around. Ask your close friends or family (or look it up on the Internet)  about their fears and what helped them get over them. They may give you some precious advices that'll help you as well.

3. Imagine your way out of it

You can also visualize the situation you fear. If, for example you have the fear of talking in public, you can close your eyes, relax, and imagine the way you would like things to go. Take in as many details as possible, the people around you, the way you are dressed, the tone of your voice and their reaction. Visualize it until you calm down completely, until you are satisfied with the outcome.

4. Deal with one fear at a time

I know you probably have multiple fears and you want to get rid of all of them, but you don't have to deal with all of them at the same time. Deal with one fear at a time, and take as much time as you need to get over it. 

5. Write it down

I once read about this technique in a book. You'll need a pen, a lot of time and a lot of paper. Take your time away from distractions and write down on little sheets of paper everything you fear. And I'm talking not just: I fear snakes, or I fear public speaking. Write down EVERYTHING you fear. For eg: You might fear rejection, you might have a fear of losing your job, or your wife/husband. You may fear you'll get fat, you'll be bold one day or even you'll get really sick. There are plenty of fears running around in our head. After you note all of them throw the sheets in the fire, one at a time. As you see the sheet burning say "I am free from the fear of...". Repeat this exercise every day for a week or until you feel you don't have that fear anymore.

6. Face it

I got rid of my speaking in public fear by just facing it. Of course, I stammered in the beginning but I didn't let that take me down. You need to be aware of the fact that fears won't just disappear, you have to deal with them, and give yourself time to grow out of them. 

7. Laugh in its face

One thing I found extremely inspiring in the Harry Potter series was the concept of the Boggart. A boggart is an amortal shape-shifting creature that takes on the form of the viewer's worst fear. The charm used to combat a boggart was Riddikulus.The correct way to perform the charm is to push past the fear, and concentrate on something that will make the boggart look amusing. The charm does not, in fact, repel a boggart; it just forces it to assume a shape that the caster will find comical, inspiring laughter, which will defeat a boggart (read more about it here ). I think that's a great example of dealing with your fears. Ridicule them, look at your fears from a different point of view. Make them look pathetic and funny; you'll most likely stop being afraid of that. 

Was this helpful?

Ten downsides of phone conversations

It's practically impossible seeing yourself without a mobile phone in this technology age - the cell phone became so attached to us, extraterrestrials might see it as another body part of ours. The phones really did come a long way and brought a whole deal of advantages to them but just like everything else there are disadvantages to them as well. From personal experience I can give you my list of ten reasons why avoiding talking over the phone may be better:

1. Lack of privacy

Talking over the phone while in a crowded place such as on the bus/train/restaurant, in your office (in case you share it with others) or even in a room with other people, makes you say bye bye to your privacy. The others will hear perfectly what you have to say. Well, I guess you can find your way around it by making up a secret language with the one you're talking to, so you could send only coded messages.

2. Lack of body language

The wonderful advantage that you have over someone by being able to decode the messages his/her body is sending is no longer available while talking over the phone. It's much harder to know how the other one reacts to what you say if you're only counting on what you hear them say. Psychologists say that over 90% of all human communication is non verbal, so you'll be losing the opportunity to "see" everything the other one has to say.

3. Background noises

The cars are honking, the kids are crying, two people are arguing, there is music around you or around the other person you are talking over the phone with. Background noises affected nine out of ten of my conversations. 

4. Everybody is tougher over the phone

It's much easier to demand what you want over the phone and stand up for yourself like never before. Let's not forget how powerful slamming the phone while the other one was talking can make you feel. That's good... when it's about you. But don't you just hate it when someone that is usually super shy and really not that bothered by what you say becomes a knight in shinning armor coming back at each and every one of your words... then slams the phone in the middle of your conversation? 

5. The formalities

Oh, I just hate the long opening talk over the phone... and the formalities. On a face to face basis, you can smoothly go from a: "Hi, how you doing?" to a..." so I wanted to tell you this." Over the phone it has to be: "Hello! It's me Rachel. How are you doing? Are you busy or something? Oh no, I just wanted to talk to you." (wait for the other person to talk to someone else that interrupted him/her) "No, this is not a new phone number. I don't know why you didn't have it in the phone memory. Aw, yeah, my phone sometimes does that as well. Yes, you should probably change it. Aha, aha...(listening to blabbering about mobile phones) aha... So what I was saying? Aw, nothing. I'm going to start right now, of course if you have the time. If not we can just meet somewhere and talk about it." 

6. The awkward goodbyes

If you meet with someone on the street after a nice casual talk, you say goodbye or whatever and you just move ahead. With the phone... you have your conversation and then when you're about to hang up, you enter the long awkward goodbyes state. You probably are already familiar with the: "Um... so, take good care of you." "Yeah, you too." "Okay so bye." "Bye. Have a nice day." "Yes, thanks for calling." "Aha. No problem." "Okay." "OK."

7. Cell phones are not good for your health

Various studies on whether the cell phones affect or not our health have come up with mixed results. Some studies suggest a link between exposure to radiation from cell phones and an increased risk of acoustic neuroma (a tumor of the nerve connecting the ear to the brain). Of course, there is the other side that says it's not scientifically proven that cell phones affect your health and it's all just myths.

There is quite an interesting book on the subject of this which I recommend, it's called “Disconnect: The Truth about Cell Phone Radiation, What the Industry Has Done to Hide It, and How to Protect Your Family” by toxicologist and epidemiologist Devra Davis. In her book, Devra connects cell phones with a variety of health problems.

8. Running into others while talking over the phone

Don't you just hate it when you're having a conversation that requires all of your undivided attention over the phone and just as you struggle to focus... a friend or a relative bumps into you. Aw, and they underestimate the conversation you are having over the phone so they start asking question of their own and struggle for your attention.

9. Not paying attention to anything surrounding you might turn into a disaster

There were times when I tripped and fell off because I was talking over the phone or writing a message. I also probably missed seeing a lot great deal of things because I was too busy fidgeting with my phone. 

10. The battery issue

Let's not forget the moments of suspense when you know you are about to hear something important and the battery decides it's time to die on you. Or those times you really need to call someone but you can't because your battery is low and will not allow you to make any other calls than emergency.  

Share your opinion on phone conversations

Ten little steps to happiness

Happiness, the one word that always sounds so good and seems so hard to achieve at times. It makes you smile but might also bring out the inner demons you struggle with. Webster's dictionary defines happiness as: a pleasurable or satisfying experience. Now from what I've learned from lifetime experience and then latter on read in books, there are two types of feelings that feel the same but are somehow different: happiness and joy (I like to call them pleasure and happiness) 

They do feel quite the same but one of them lasts while the other one is in the constant need for fuel to work on. The first one, pleasure, depends on the circumstances. As in, you can feel good only if all that you demand is happening. It depends on your expectations turning as you wish them to, while the second one... the true state of happiness is always there. It doesn't have a beginning nor an end, it's always the same and it doesn't need any type of fuel other than life itself to work.

So they can both be satisfying but I wouldn't like to count on pleasure. Sometimes even pleasure fails: I don't know about you but it happened to me. I had what I wanted and felt miserable and worse than before getting what I so desired. 

I figured some steps that'll help you achieve that state of really feeling happy.

1. What do you really want?

Seriously, take a piece of paper and a pen, lock yourself in a quiet room and write down everything you want. From material possessions to spiritual and/or intellectual achievements. But, be honest with yourself, don't hold back just because it doesn't sound right to want that or because it's not realistic. Just write it all down, we'll deal with it later.

2. Solve your issues

And I'm not taking about doing the dishes or argue with someone that is stepping on your nerves. I'm taking about something much deeper than that. Figure out what bothers you and why. Work with yourself. I know there are some memories you just want to bury beneath the sea but make sure you deal with the situation before you try to bury something. It may come back as a zombie if you don't kill it properly. Eg. Don't forget that someone hurt you ever, before forgiving them. I know the first thing you'll want to do is just forget all about it, but chances are you'll experience something similar in life, or someone will somehow remember you of that pain... which will bring the old pain to surface again. So before you bury the bag (which is definitely a must - do not keep grudges or torture yourself with playing the victim constantly) make sure you forgive it. I know I had a hard time forgiving and I wouldn't even recognize it, I wasn't even aware of it until I read a quick quiz in a book I was reading at the time to see if you forgave the people that hurt you. The moment I started working with myself I realized there was a huge blacklist of people I failed to forgive but pretended I did. 

3. Look at things through a different perspective

I know it's hard since our brain was trained to think somehow ever since we enrolled in school, but that's a big secret to happiness. Learn to see things more than one way, don't just say... oh but it's just a rope/candy/book/tree, remember that enthusiasm you had when you were little and everything around you was fascinating? Learn to see just as colorful as you did when you were little.

4. Make some time for yourself

And I'm not referring to make some time to master your couch potato skills, I'm talking about taking care of you. Make sure you exercise physically, mentally and spiritually. Truly respect yourself and start by being honest with yourself and  taking care of your body, mind and spirit. 

5. Play 
Not just MMORPG or other computer games. Playing is beneficial to you on so many levels. It helps you relax and feel good, it can help develop relationships with other players and it can help you see things though a different perspective. And you can also burn calories if you're playing twister or you're engaging in a limbo dance competition.  Get your board games out next time you're friends swing by. As Mary Poppins would say: "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! the job's a game" 

6. Relationships
Are important to our well being. You don't have to be a social butterfly but make sure you have at least one relationship in need of strengthening. Invest time and energy in it, learn how to cultivate and heal it to be able to harvest joy out of it.

7. Gestures of kindness
They really make the difference. I know it may sound stupid but don't think too much about it and just try it. Try to be kind to someone today, see how that makes you feel. Aw, and it has to be spontaneous - at least the first time you act upon it. Just keep your eyes open for an opportunity and do something nice for someone. I bet you didn't know that altruistic acts light up the same pleasure centers in the brain as food and sex.

8. Gratitude 
I know you might not have everything you wanted, hell, who does? I think no one ever had everything they wanted but that never stopped them from being grateful for what they already had. And after all, why not? Others might not have half as much as you do. Remember to count your blessings. Researches show that regular expressions of gratitude promote optimism, better health and greater satisfaction with life.

9. Enjoy each moment
When was the last time you stopped walking just to look at the sky? Or you enjoyed a bird's chirp. When was the last time you admired a rainbow, or the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning. Take a deep breath, open your eyes and see the beauty all around you. Enjoy each moment as if it is your last one on this earth (I know it is harder than it sounds but learn to make this a habit). 

10. Nurture an optimistic way of thinking 
It is scientifically proven that an affirmative thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative one. Having an optimistic way of thinking will help you feel more relaxed, think more clearly and feel better about yourself and life generally. 


Was this helpful?