They do feel quite the same but one of them lasts while the other one is in the constant need for fuel to work on. The first one, pleasure, depends on the circumstances. As in, you can feel good only if all that you demand is happening. It depends on your expectations turning as you wish them to, while the second one... the true state of happiness is always there. It doesn't have a beginning nor an end, it's always the same and it doesn't need any type of fuel other than life itself to work.
So they can both be satisfying but I wouldn't like to count on pleasure. Sometimes even pleasure fails: I don't know about you but it happened to me. I had what I wanted and felt miserable and worse than before getting what I so desired.
I figured some steps that'll help you achieve that state of really feeling happy.
1. What do you really want?
Seriously, take a piece of paper and a pen, lock yourself in a quiet room and write down everything you want. From material possessions to spiritual and/or intellectual achievements. But, be honest with yourself, don't hold back just because it doesn't sound right to want that or because it's not realistic. Just write it all down, we'll deal with it later.
2. Solve your issues
And I'm not taking about doing the dishes or argue with someone that is stepping on your nerves. I'm taking about something much deeper than that. Figure out what bothers you and why. Work with yourself. I know there are some memories you just want to bury beneath the sea but make sure you deal with the situation before you try to bury something. It may come back as a zombie if you don't kill it properly. Eg. Don't forget that someone hurt you ever, before forgiving them. I know the first thing you'll want to do is just forget all about it, but chances are you'll experience something similar in life, or someone will somehow remember you of that pain... which will bring the old pain to surface again. So before you bury the bag (which is definitely a must - do not keep grudges or torture yourself with playing the victim constantly) make sure you forgive it. I know I had a hard time forgiving and I wouldn't even recognize it, I wasn't even aware of it until I read a quick quiz in a book I was reading at the time to see if you forgave the people that hurt you. The moment I started working with myself I realized there was a huge blacklist of people I failed to forgive but pretended I did.
3. Look at things through a different perspective
I know it's hard since our brain was trained to think somehow ever since we enrolled in school, but that's a big secret to happiness. Learn to see things more than one way, don't just say... oh but it's just a rope/candy/book/tree, remember that enthusiasm you had when you were little and everything around you was fascinating? Learn to see just as colorful as you did when you were little.
4. Make some time for yourself
And I'm not referring to make some time to master your couch potato skills, I'm talking about taking care of you. Make sure you exercise physically, mentally and spiritually. Truly respect yourself and start by being honest with yourself and taking care of your body, mind and spirit.
5. Play
Not just MMORPG or other computer games. Playing is beneficial to you on so many levels. It helps you relax and feel good, it can help develop relationships with other players and it can help you see things though a different perspective. And you can also burn calories if you're playing twister or you're engaging in a limbo dance competition. Get your board games out next time you're friends swing by. As Mary Poppins would say: "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! the job's a game"
6. Relationships
Are important to our well being. You don't have to be a social butterfly but make sure you have at least one relationship in need of strengthening. Invest time and energy in it, learn how to cultivate and heal it to be able to harvest joy out of it.
7. Gestures of kindness
They really make the difference. I know it may sound stupid but don't think too much about it and just try it. Try to be kind to someone today, see how that makes you feel. Aw, and it has to be spontaneous - at least the first time you act upon it. Just keep your eyes open for an opportunity and do something nice for someone. I bet you didn't know that altruistic acts light up the same pleasure centers in the brain as food and sex.
8. Gratitude
I know you might not have everything you wanted, hell, who does? I think no one ever had everything they wanted but that never stopped them from being grateful for what they already had. And after all, why not? Others might not have half as much as you do. Remember to count your blessings. Researches show that regular expressions of gratitude promote optimism, better health and greater satisfaction with life.
9. Enjoy each moment
When was the last time you stopped walking just to look at the sky? Or you enjoyed a bird's chirp. When was the last time you admired a rainbow, or the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning. Take a deep breath, open your eyes and see the beauty all around you. Enjoy each moment as if it is your last one on this earth (I know it is harder than it sounds but learn to make this a habit).
10. Nurture an optimistic way of thinking
It is scientifically proven that an affirmative thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative one. Having an optimistic way of thinking will help you feel more relaxed, think more clearly and feel better about yourself and life generally.
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5. Play
Not just MMORPG or other computer games. Playing is beneficial to you on so many levels. It helps you relax and feel good, it can help develop relationships with other players and it can help you see things though a different perspective. And you can also burn calories if you're playing twister or you're engaging in a limbo dance competition. Get your board games out next time you're friends swing by. As Mary Poppins would say: "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! the job's a game"
6. Relationships
Are important to our well being. You don't have to be a social butterfly but make sure you have at least one relationship in need of strengthening. Invest time and energy in it, learn how to cultivate and heal it to be able to harvest joy out of it.
7. Gestures of kindness
They really make the difference. I know it may sound stupid but don't think too much about it and just try it. Try to be kind to someone today, see how that makes you feel. Aw, and it has to be spontaneous - at least the first time you act upon it. Just keep your eyes open for an opportunity and do something nice for someone. I bet you didn't know that altruistic acts light up the same pleasure centers in the brain as food and sex.
8. Gratitude
I know you might not have everything you wanted, hell, who does? I think no one ever had everything they wanted but that never stopped them from being grateful for what they already had. And after all, why not? Others might not have half as much as you do. Remember to count your blessings. Researches show that regular expressions of gratitude promote optimism, better health and greater satisfaction with life.
9. Enjoy each moment
When was the last time you stopped walking just to look at the sky? Or you enjoyed a bird's chirp. When was the last time you admired a rainbow, or the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning. Take a deep breath, open your eyes and see the beauty all around you. Enjoy each moment as if it is your last one on this earth (I know it is harder than it sounds but learn to make this a habit).
10. Nurture an optimistic way of thinking
It is scientifically proven that an affirmative thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative one. Having an optimistic way of thinking will help you feel more relaxed, think more clearly and feel better about yourself and life generally.
Was this helpful?
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